Another One of My Addictions

So, my rant for today regards Dunkin' Donuts.  I have been a loyal customer of Dunkin' since I started drinking coffee, about 17 years ago.  In fact, when I first started drinking coffee, Dunkin' Donuts coffee was the only coffee I would drink!

It took me a long time to figure out how I liked my coffee.  I had spent many years (but only occasionally throughout those years) trying to figure out how I could stomach coffee.  Of course, at this point, you are probably asking yourself, "Why in the world would she try to like coffee if she didn't already?"  Well, I used to drive between North Adams and Boston or Cambridge a lot.  That is a long trek, and I often did it at night.  Right about the time I would get to Greenfield, I would be nodding off.  I would stop at the gas station on Route 2, just before heading up the mountain.  I wanted to make sure I was awake when I went around Dead Man's Curve and the Hairpin Turn.  Anyway, at the gas station, I would buy cigarettes (I didn't smoke at the time), a Snickers bar (of course), and a coffee (yuck at the time).

So, I would leave my window down to let in the cold air, smoke cigarettes, and eat the candy bar.  I tried coffee every time, but I could never stomach it.  I wanted to because I knew it would keep me awake.  Coke just didn't cut it, and I had sworn off sodas at the time.  I tried every combination of cream and sugar.  Could never drink more than a sip or two.

Finally, one day in 1994, I was at a softball game and I was freezing.  Another spectator was drinking coffee and offered it to me as a way to warm up.  Despite my trepidation, I took a sip.  I actually liked it!  Unfortunately, I didn't ask her how she had prepared it.  All I knew is that it was Dunkin' Donuts coffee.  So, I began ordering Dunkin' coffee prepared in many different ways.  Still no luck.  I tried more cream.  I tried milk instead of cream.  I tried cream with no sugar.  Yuck, yuck, and more yuck.

Then, one morning at Pam's apartment, she told me she had no milk.  She drank her coffee black.  I was horrified at the idea of drinking black coffee, but I was desperate.  I put sugar in it and lo and behold, I liked it!  In fact, I loved it!  That is when my love affair (also called an addiction) with coffee began.

Black with sugar.  And this is where my disdain for Dunkin' Donuts employees began.  Why, you may ask, would I dislike the people who are giving me my new "drug" of choice?  Well, to be fair, I don't necessarily dislike any of the people that work at Dunkin' Donuts.  It just seemed that many of them could hardly ever get my order right.

In the beginning, I would go through the drive thru and say, "Two medium black coffees, one with extra sugar."  The question I would typically be asked was, "So, one with sugar and one without?"  I would respond, "No, two black, one with extra sugar, the other just black."  Major confusion would often ensue.  Sometimes, after saying, "Two medium black coffees, one with extra sugar," I would be asked, "Any cream with those?"  Really?  Doesn't black mean no cream?  No dairy of any kind?  So, I tried to make my order a little more specific.  "Two medium coffees, one black and one black with extra sugar."  So much clearer right?  No.  I would still be asked how much sugar I want in the first black, or did I want cream...

After Pam died, I no longer had the two black coffee issue, so I had some years of just ordering, "medium black coffee with extra sugar."  That is when I started specifying how many sugars, because "extra" means something different for each person.  It is supposed to be 4 sugars for a medium.  I didn't always get 4 though.  Additionally, black coffee (meaning without dairy products) needs more sugar since there is no lactose (which is why I don't use dairy).  So, I had years of judgment (meaning surprised questioning) when I ordered "medium black coffee, 5 sugars" or "medium black coffee, 6 sugars."  People are always impressed when they see you drink black coffee, because they couldn't, but still find it necessary to make comments like, "Why don't you have some coffee with your sugar?"  As though I haven't heard that before!

So, I started drinking Splenda about a year ago, to cut down on my sugar consumption.  (I don't like drinking my daily allotment of calories).  So, now I get questioning judgment when I order "medium black coffee, two Splendas, two sugars."  Why can't I order anything I want and just have it given to me, no questions asked?  Is that too much to expect?

Now, what is the latest issue, besides the judgment?  I went to a Dunkin' and ordered "medium black coffee, two splendas, two sugars."  The expected question came, "Two Splendas and two sugars?"  I sighed, "Yes, two Splendas, two sugars."  The unexpected response?  "So, it's not black then?"  All I could respond with was silence...